The Elijah Program Chat and Message Board
The Elijah Program Chat and Message Board
Cooperative Compliance(TM) is the goal in any human relationship with an authority. A good worker is cooperatively compliant with his supervisor, or he moves on to another job, or is fired, or his attitude and resulting behavior is modified at which time cooperative compliance is achieved. People are made to be both leader and follower. Even the most powerful in the world are under authority. Certainly we are all under the authority of God, but we are also under the authority of other men. Even those who felt they were not, such as Adolf Hitler, in the end succumbed to the authority of others. Hitler's years of rebellion from righteous authority resulted in much misery and tragedy, but in the end, Hitler himself submitted to authority. Even President Nixon discovered that no man is above the law, and years of denial, living in conflict in rebellion, resulted in much pain and suffering, sometimes to innocent people, with the end result that Nixon left office in disgrace. The proper laboratory for learning Cooperative Compliance(TM) is the home, and the instructors are the parents. Often children are ill prepared for the working world because their parents, for whatever reason, have failed to demand Cooperative Compliance(TM) and must be taught that lesson in the improper laboratory of the workplace where they lose their job and suffer economically because they rebel, as they had been allowed to do at home, against dress codes, behavior codes or other codes imposed by a righteous authority.
We believe it is a primary responsibility of parents to teach, to reinforce and to demand Cooperative Compliance(TM) from their children of any age who are living under their roof.
The problem is not that the parents are too strict, it is that they have become too timid and the children too bold.
What is the goal of Cooperative Compliance(TM)? What are the motives of parents who insist in achieving it for their children? The goal is to achieve peace in the home, to reduce tensions from within the children who have, until such compliance is achieved, been at war against their teachers, their parents, the law, society and even themselves. These are appropriate motives for a parent to have, both for the child, and the family. The key is the phrase that "I am willing to do whatever it takes to see that my child is filled with good virtue, good values, and ready to take his or her place in the world, and in the life beyond." Is any parent wanting to do less? Yet we all know parents who allow their children to stay up all hours of the night, who allow their children to keep the company of fools and scoundrels, who allow their children to injure their bodies with drugs, alcohol and promiscuous sex. Are they doing good for their children by failing to demand Cooperative ComplianceTM? Not only are they NOT doing good, they are damning their children, souls placed into their care, by being timid rather than bold, and allowing their children to set standards of behavior and value.
Achieving Cooperative Compliance(TM) is as much about returning children to childhood as it is about anything else. Childhood is to be a time of innocence. A time of freedom from the pressures of the world. Yet, with MTV, the howling programs on Television, with wanton violence in the cartoons, promiscuous and perverted sex displayed and taunted as merely a choice in lifestyles, many children have been thrust out of childhood, as ill prepared for the choices of adulthood as any child warrior in Bosnia.
We believe that when parents assume their ordained position as the policy makers in the home, setting and transmitting values, and behavioral standards, the children become free to relax and enjoy those precious moments that occur between birth and their move out of the birth-home into the world as adults. But again, the message of today is that parents have become timid, and children have become bold.children have become bold because they have been egged on by MTV, dress codes of alternative life styles, and an atmosphere of laughing at any authority whether parental or societal.
We suggest four immediate steps to restore children, whether 4 years old or 18 years old, to the role of child, and to restore parents to the role of parents. It does require courage from parents, and it goes against the "collective wisdom" of our society which has bought us the highest juvenile murder rate in our nation's history; which has brought us the highest incidence of juvenile drug and alcohol addiction in the history of our country; and, which has brought our children to psychiatric clinics and jails in greater numbers than ever before. Yes, it does require courage from parents to go against that record, but just reading it, you can see its imperative. You need to wrest your children from the grips of a failed society before it ruins him. It is too late for the boys and girls in gangs, for the boys and girls with AIDS, or for the boys and girls who are addicted or dead. But it just may not be too late for your child, provided you overcome timidity and determine that You will do whatever it takes to reclaim your son or daughter and safely raise that child to responsible and successful adulthood.
Take heart, it is not too late. This is written to answer the question: "How can I instill in my child, especially my older child, a sense of cooperative compliance with my rules, and the things that he or she must do." That, no doubt, is the same question asked by the parent, child and Orthodontist when confronted with crooked teeth that took years to get out of alignment. "How can I ever get those teeth straight" is similar to the question of "How can I get my child straight in his or her values, behaviors and emotions?" People who believe it is a painless task have never had their teeth in braces, or have never had their children's teeth in braces. I encourage you, before reading further, to take a field trip to the local orthodontist and watch the tooth straightening process. And as important, on the very next day speak to the child whose teeth were straightened and determine for yourself how much pain the child withstands and the orthodontist delivers, and for which the parent pays and tolerates. But, the pain is short lived, the result is genuine and apparent. So with the straightening of years of maladaptive behavior. It is painful to the child and sometimes to others, to see dysfunctional values exchanged for straight and good and lasting values.
Indeed, as with teeth straightening, so it is with parents deciding to straighten their child. The first session is the most painful, for everyone involved. The second session is not nearly so, yet still somewhat painful. The third session even less, yet still somewhat painful. After that, however, straightening sessions are fairly routine, expected by all, and an outward sign of parental caring.
It is as hard for the adolescent today as it is for the parent. Raising two children through adolescence, and having a 15 year old who is "blooming" into adolescence, I have found myself doing considerable study, as well as participating as a parent in the laboratory of life. As a State Licensed Professional Counselor, in private practice in Nashville for over 10 years, and with 23 years as a pastoral counselor in diverse parts of the country, Dr. Blansett began micro-focusing on families, family values and family strategies especially in regard to dealing with adolescents and pre-adolescents.
Individuation is that point where an individual separates from his or her parents and achieves autonomy.
You may have received my recent letter describing my creation and implementation of the Elijah ProgramTM. Dr. Blansett designed the Elijah ProgramTM for children and their families who, for whatever reason, and regardless of how it developed, find themselves at odds with others in the family, the school, the law and even themselves. Working with the Elijah ProgramTM is certainly rewarding, and it is successful, bringing pastors, moms and dads, brothers and sisters and the child having difficulty into an accountable relationship centered on the development of character and family values rejecting those societal pressures that has propelled them into conflict.
Unfortunately, the Elijah Program(TM), finds itself often dealing primarily with children well into their adolescence. It is as though the children, their parents and families have tried everything else that hasn't worked before accepting a program that causes true behavioral and attitudinal change.
So much more could be done if children and their parents would accept the precepts, methods and techniques imposed in the Elijah ProgramTM. So we are searching for children in their pre-teenage years, before rebellion becomes entrenched.
We've also identified a specific process which has become mutated in recent years, which needs to be cultivated back into the process it was before: the PROCESS OF INDIVIDUATION.
We have seen individuation in children 7 years old with parents too timid to parent and children too bold to comply. The simplest process of individuation is seen in the amoeba that grows and splits into two distinctly independent beings. Human individuation is seen as that point where an individual separates from his or her parents and achieves autonomy. The identification of this process of individuation is a major development that is critical to our returning children to childhood, parents to parenthood, and instilling balanced family values. We have seen individuation being completed, except for financial independence, as early as 7 years of age, with parents too timid to parent and children too bold to comply with the "wisdom of the aged".
Dr. Blansett developed the Elijah Program(TM) to be easily utilized as a Family Formation tool in churches or in families before untimely individuation occurs. Please call and request information. Request information on how such a family support system can supplement the work you are currently doing in your church or organization. If you feel you cannot implement a program such as described, yet you know of a 10 year old child, or a child either younger or older who is at risk of untimely individuation, rebellion, or adopting destructive behaviors or attitudes, call Dr. Blansett, suggest that your pastor make a referral to Dr. Blansett, and speak to the child's parent(s) about this program of reclaiming children and their parents.